when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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