I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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