he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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