Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
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