you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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