I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
