Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
