i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
