Sorry, I don't speak sober.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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