I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
