my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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