Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
