Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
