I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Randomize
