Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
