Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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