This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
