Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize