i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
