The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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