I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
These tits shall not be calmed
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
