my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
