I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Green mimosas i think yes
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
