I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
