thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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