Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Randomize
