went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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