omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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