did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
