I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
