Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
