Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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