Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
