YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
The beer is more important than you right now.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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