her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I smell stomach acid.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
