and you said cock pushups were impossible
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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