i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
