I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
