you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
