I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
