Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
