Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Randomize
