Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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