Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
not ubering you a puppy
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
