I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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