So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize