my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Still dying that you shit outside
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
