Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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