its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
