Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
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if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
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Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.