This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
