There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
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He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
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Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon