hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
