I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Randomize
