I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
