he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
