we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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