Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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