Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
