Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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