Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I think a kid would responsible me up
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
