He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
