i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
