I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
