Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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