I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
