please come you make the beer taste better
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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