My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
