Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
