So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
