i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
